Learning to live after trauma…

Learning to live again after trauma - and not just survive - begins with Trust. Learning how to trust ourselves, the world around us and others.

For those who have experienced childhood trauma or narcissistic abuse, trusting ourselves can be particularly challenging.

In formative years and/or in relationships that should have been safe, our trust was violated (often repeatedly) by a person or people who were supposed to be trustworthy.  In addition to the Complex PTSD that often results, a common reaction to that is: “clearly my judgement is horrible” and “I cannot trust myself to properly assess a person or situation”, “I can’t trust myself to make the right decision”,  “I can’t trust myself, so I certainly can’t trust anyone else”.

This can lead to all sorts of unconscious patterns, but one that I see quite often - and is, in fact, playing out in our culture as a result of the past few years (how do we know who to trust??) - is a pattern of isolating ourselves as a means of self-preservation.  It can be conscious or subconscious, but the pattern and result are the same.  We can slowly and subtly isolate ourselves until it just feels normal to be more disconnected from people and life in general.

In fact, we can even be well aware of craving friendships and connections with people and then when the opportunities arise, we find ways (excuses) to hide out from those opportunities. We may think/say things like, “Well, it’s fine via text or email, but I’m just not sure we’d really click or like each other in person.” Or, “Yes, they are nice and it’s good to hang out occasionally, but we really don’t have a lot in common and I’d really like to find a friend I do have more in common with…”, but rather than taking the opportunities available to meet and connect with new people, we hide out at home and watch our favorite streaming service or scroll social media.

That is not living.  That is surviving. And while that was normalized for a while - and I fell into this same trap! - I’d like to be a voice of change on this.

Particularly for those of us who work from home or are just very busy… it’s incredibly easy to stay at home and collapse in front of a screen during any free time. 

For our physical and mental health, we MUST have connection to nature *every day*, sun exposure and fresh air *every day*, and connection with other people (or animals) *every day*.

Of course we need clean water (in the US that means filtered, not tap) and clean food (fresh, not processed or fast food) every day. 

But did you know that connecting with the earth (grounding) and being outside, sun exposure, fresh air, and connecting with other people (or animals) *every day* is vital to your health? Both physically and emotionally. Vital.

But it doesn’t have to be difficult!

“Wait, did she say people (or animals)???” Yes! We humans come in every degree of introvert / extrovert / ambivert. And when it comes to trauma recovery, sometimes other humans are just too much (overwhelming, scary, anxiety-inducing, etc) but animals (particularly mammals) are a miracle!

So if this is you, please consider a support animal. Or if you feel you need to work your way up to being a full-time carer of a pet, volunteering at an animal shelter might be a good idea. If you have friends that have animals, that could be a nice place to start to get acquainted with what might be the best fit for you.

Back to getting outside more…

Here are a few ways to begin to work that back into your day if you find yourself inside and on your own every day:

• Take a 10-15 minute walk after each meal. (This will also help w/ blood sugar stability!)

• Go outside and just stand where you can have the sun in your face for 5 minutes and take some nice deep breaths of fresh air. Do this throughout your workday for pick-me-ups.

• Take your shoes off and stand or walk in the grass for as long as you can.  If it’s cold outside, find a tree to lean up against and rest against the tree for a little while.

• If you live with other people, you are in contact with others daily; but if you don’t have any other people in your household even getting out to the grocery store or post office or somewhere that you can interact with others is a start! Smile at someone or pay a compliment to a stranger, it will make their day and fill your heart.

• Get some bubbles at the dollar store and go outside and enjoy playing with bubbles, or something else you haven’t done since childhood!

• And if you have a pet, you know they need to get outside in the fresh air and sun too! So you can go together. Dogs generally do fine on a leash, but cats, bunnies, ferrets, and other small animals don’t always cooperate with leashes. However, there are some great backpack options for small animals now, so that might be worth checking into!

As we begin to get into healthier routines of just getting that fresh air and connection with nature every day, we will be in a better headspace to consider doing more to connect socially.

And this is a process. Just chose one good thing to add first and go on from there.

When you feel ready for more, keep going. And be sure to get the help and support you need along the way!

Speaking of help… there is a wonderful FREE online summit coming up this month that I want you to know about:

My friend, Pi Venus Winslow, is hosting a Trusting After Trauma summit this month and I would love for you to check it out. Or if you don’t feel it applies to you, pass this on to someone else who might benefit!

She has gathered over 20 different experts on this topic to do interviews, sharing wisdom and offering guidance. It is sure to be an incredible event and it’s FREE!!!